Articles Etc: September 2012

Sunday, September 9, 2012

Funny Wedding Speech

%3Cdiv+style%3D%22text-align%3A+center%3B%22%3E%3Cspan+style%3D%22font-family%3AGeorgia%2C+serif%3B%22%3EOne+of+the+most+common+questions+is+how+to+create+a+funny+wedding+speech%3F%3C%2Fspan%3E%3C%2Fdiv%3E%3Cdiv+style%3D%22text-align%3A+center%3B%22%3E%3Cspan+style%3D%22font-family%3AGeorgia%2C+serif%3B%22%3E%0D%0A%3C%2Fspan%3E%3C%2Fdiv%3E%3Cdiv+style%3D%22text-align%3A+center%3B%22%3E%3Cspan+style%3D%22font-family%3@Georgia%2C+serif%3B%22%3E%0D%0A%3C%2Fspan%3E%3C%2Fdiv%3E%3Cdiv+style%3D%22text-align%3A+center%3B%22%3E%3Cspan+style%3D%22font-family%3AGeorgia%2C+serif%3B%22%3EIf+you%27re+not+a+stand+up+comedian+and+you+have+no+experience+making+a+live+audience+laugh%2C+it+feels+like+a+daunting+task.+Everybody+has+that+nightmare+about+telling+an+offensive+joke+that+is+embarrassing.%3C%2Fspan%3E%3C%2Fdiv%3E%3Cdiv+style%3D%22text-align%3A+center%3B%22%3E%3Cspan+style%3D%22font-family%3AGeorgia%2C+serif%3B%22%3E%0D%0A%3C%2Fspan%3E%3C%2Fdiv%3E%3Cdiv+style%3D%22text-align%3A+center%3B%22%3E%3Cspan+style%3D%22font-family%3AGeorgia%2C+serif%3B%22%3EIt+is+almost+always+better+to+focus+your+funny+wedding+speech+on+funny+stories.+Stories+are+more+personal%2C+sound+more+genuine+and+they+are+easier+to+deliver.+Jokes+and+one-liners+largely+depend+on+your+timing.+There+is+a+rhythm+of+joke+setup+leading+to+the+punchline.+Mastering+this+buildup+is+not+easy+for+an+inexperienced+speaker.%3C%2Fspan%3E%3C%2Fdiv%3E%3Cdiv+style%3D%22text-align%3A+center%3B%22%3E%3Cspan+style%3D%22font-family%3AGeorgia%2C+serif%3B%22%3E%0D%0A%3C%2Fspan%3E%3C%2Fdiv%3E%3Cdiv+style%3D%22text-align%3A+center%3B%22%3E%3Cspan+style%3D%22font-family%3AGeorgia%2C+serif%3B%22%3EStories+on+the+other+hand%2C+are+much+easier+to+deliver+because+you+don%27t+have+to+worry+about+timing.+With+funny+stories%2C+you+only+have+to+concentrate+on+speaking+naturally.+Stories+are+also+easier+to+remember+meaning+that+you+don%27t+have+to+look+down+at+your+notes.%3C%2Fspan%3E%3C%2Fdiv%3E%3Cdiv+style%3D%22text-align%3A+center%3B%22%3E%3Cspan+style%3D%22font-family%3AGeorgia%2C+serif%3B%22%3E%0D%0A%3C%2Fspan%3E%3C%2Fdiv%3E%3Cdiv+style%3D%22text-align%3A+center%3B%22%3E%3Cspan+style%3D%22font-family%3AGeorgia%2C+serif%3B%22%3EThe+best+place+to+start+for+funny+stories+for+your+wedding+speech+is+to+brainstorm+some+embarrassing+stories.%3C%2Fspan%3E%3C%2Fdiv%3E%3Cdiv+style%3D%22text-align%3A+center%3B%22%3E%3Cspan+style%3D%22font-family%3AGeorgia%2C+serif%3B%22%3E%0D%0A%3C%2Fspan%3E%3C%2Fdiv%3E%3Cdiv+style%3D%22text-align%3A+center%3B%22%3E%3Cspan+style%3D%22font-family%3AGeorgia%2C+serif%3B%22%3EDid+the+bride+ever+have+any+humorous+jobs%3F+Summer+jobs+are+a+fertile+ground+for+humor.%3C%2Fspan%3E%3C%2Fdiv%3E%3Cdiv+style%3D%22text-align%3A+center%3B%22%3E%3Cspan+style%3D%22font-family%3AGeorgia%2C+serif%3B%22%3E%0D%0A%3C%2Fspan%3E%3C%2Fdiv%3E%3Cdiv+style%3D%22text-align%3A+center%3B%22%3E%3Cspan+style%3D%22font-family%3AGeorgia%2C+serif%3B%22%3EFor+the+groom+-+are+there+any+hobbies+that+he+was+passionate+about%3F+If+you+can+think+of+an+off+the+wall+story+like+the+groom%27s+passion+for+ice+fishing+that+led+him+to+lock+his+keys+in+the+car+in+the+middle+of+a+lake.%3C%2Fspan%3E%3C%2Fdiv%3E%3Cdiv+style%3D%22text-align%3A+center%3B%22%3E%3Cspan+style%3D%22font-family%3AGeorgia%2C+serif%3B%22%3E%0D%0A%3C%2Fspan%3E%3C%2Fdiv%3E%3Cdiv+style%3D%22text-align%3A+center%3B%22%3E%3Cspan+style%3D%22font-family%3AGeorgia%2C+serif%3B%22%3EFor+example%2C+in+one+funny+wedding+speech+the+maid+of+honor+talked+about+the+bride%27s+summer+job+as+an+intern+at+a+hospital.+The+bride+fainted+every+time+she+saw+blood+and+that+ended+her+goal+of+becoming+a+nurse.%3C%2Fspan%3E%3C%2Fdiv%3E%3Cdiv+style%3D%22text-align%3A+center%3B%22%3E%3Cspan+style%3D%22font-family%3AGeorgia%2C+serif%3B%22%3E%0D%0A%3C%2Fspan%3E%3C%2Fdiv%3E%3Cdiv+style%3D%22text-align%3A+center%3B%22%3E%3Cspan+style%3D%22font-family%3AGeorgia%2C+serif%3B%22%3EIt+is+important+to+remember+that+even+funny+wedding+speeches+have+a+certain+structure.+Don%27t+let+humor+overshadow+your+role.+Every+speaker+in+the+wedding+party+has+specific+people+to+thank+and+toast.%3C%2Fspan%3E%3C%2Fdiv%3E

Funny Conversation Starters

While you'd think that funny conversations are light, easy and carefree affairs, believe it or not they take considerable effort and practice to begin and maintain. The common adage that comedy is the toughest thing to do is no lie, and even with something as seemingly simple as a conversation with another person or a small group, it can be among the most difficult things you do all day to kick off a funny, engaging conversation. But with a little preparation and practice it won't be a problem to get friends, guys, and girls laughing. Here are seven funny conversation starters to help you get started.

HUMOROUS OBSERVATIONS

Finding something in your surroundings that makes you chuckle or amused and pointing it out in conversation can be a funny way to kick things off, or to keep a conversation going when it seems that it might stall out prematurely.

BAD AND CHEESY JOKES

Everyone, believe it or not, loves a bad joke when it's told intentionally to be a bad joke. Cheesy pick-up lines can work like, "You must be tired because you've been running through my mind all day." They are so awful sometimes that it is incredibly funny, and often gets everyone in the group to begin sharing the bad and cheesy jokes they know. For example, "What do you call a video of pedestrians? Footage". Please, stop laughing.

IRONIC STATEMENTS

A quirky and ironic statement - either directly related to something or someone in the conversation, or related to something else entirely - can be a great way to get the mental and social juices flowing and give a decidedly intellectual and humorous path to a given conversation. Find something like "why are self-help programs always conducted in groups?" or comments along those lines.

FUNNY ANECDOTES

Everyone always loves a funny story with a personal touch. Stories are a great tool for effective communication. It not only helps get a conversation rolling along toward the funny side, personal anecdotes help endear you to your conversation partners as such stories help everyone to get to know you better.

5 Funny Moving Stories

OK, so you are about to move. Did your research on movers. Found a moving company with decent pricing, somewhat decent reviews and bearable BBB rating. Packed most of your stuff. Moving day is coming. Excited?

You might as well be, because you never know what's waiting for you on the move day!

Some of the funniest stories I've heard during my extensive moving business career:

Knock knock! You open the door. Your movers have arrived. Except, they are an exceptional crew consisting of a 65 year old man, an illegal immigrant who doesn't speak any English as was randomly picked up at a random gas station, and a waitress from your local Waffle House. They all admit this is going to be the first move in their lives. Except the older gentleman who claims to be the crew leader. He believes in himself and his team. This has happened to one of our customers several years ago. He called Milestone Relocation immediately after kicking out (literally) his moving crew down the stairs.

You are moving today. Your movers are unreachable, and obviously they are not here. You move by yourself or hire someone else. Two days later, your movers, the ones that never showed up, call you and tell you that they are going to be a little late because they have a flat tire. Sounds funny? It's a true story!

Your movers show up on time. Do an extremely good job. One item is left on the truck: your grandma's ancient clock. A 200 pound clock, which is basically all that has left for her to remember your granddad who passed away several years ago. The move went well, you and your family, including your grandma, are watching how your movers are getting ready to unload the clock off the truck. For the 97th time, you remind your movers to be extremely careful. They nod their heads confirming understanding the importance of this. One of them even says, "Don't worry, we are professionals!" Your grandma is watching in relieve: after all, the movers did a great job, and they can't mess up the only item which is left. On the "Don't worry" words, your grandma almost falls down on her butt: she can't believe movers are screaming, the clock is falling from 4 feet high, and the ancient glass is all over the place!

"I understand my company charged you more than 3 times above their estimate and refused to unload your items before you pay the full balance in cash. It's nice you are so understanding. But we work on tip, and if don't get tipped right now, we will not unload your belongings no matter what the company says."

"I just came back from jail. I did my 8 year sentence for beating up my wife. Do you really think I care when you threaten me saying you will call the police because I am not unloading your stuff before you tip me?"

These stories are funny until they happen to you. Do not be negligent. Protect yourself by choosing a moving company carefully.

Funny Gardening Stories

You might not think it, but gardening can be an exciting adventure. No, it's true. Really, it is. I can tell you the funniest stories about things that have happened to me in my garden. From creatures big to small, something funny happens every year!

I love the taste of fresh food picked straight from the garden. And so do the creatures in my garden. Sometimes I think all my effort is only for them. I remember once when my little apple tree finally grew an apple. "Tomorrow," I thought to myself. "Tomorrow I will pick the first and only apple that has grown on my apple tree and then I will eat it." Only I never got to pick my apple. A squirrel got to it first. Which I might not have minded so much, except that he only took two or three bites, decided he didn't like the apple and threw it away. I was almost tempted to eat the apple anyways, but I wasn't quite sure if that would be a good idea.

Another time, when I was a little girl, my dad had this pretty little crab apple tree. One autumn, the tree was full of crab apples and my dad promised that we would pick the crab apples when they were ready in a couple of days. The next day I went out to the garden to look at this wonderful crab apple tree. Much to my dismay, one of the branches had been broken off and all the crab apples on the branch were gone! During the night a bear had come along and eaten all of the crab apples. No crab apple jelly for me. But at least the bear didn't go hungry!

Years ago, there was this beaver that would come up from the stream and onto our yard, just to eat the dandelions growing in the grass. He didn't want to move no matter what we were doing or how close we came to him. I have several pictures of the beaver eating the dandelions. He never even seemed to notice that I was standing right next to him in order to get a picture close up. Another time I was cutting the grass with a riding lawn mower and he didn't move at all, even when I came close to him. I finally had to leave that patch of lawn and cut it the next day.

Get a Dose of Laughter With Funny Stories and Jokes

When you smile; the world smiles with you. A Smile costs nothing but gives you a lot. A good Laugh can really be the best medicine. It connects us with others. It does not come from any machine rather it is inborn and it is a free of cost thing which is beneficial too. Human beings feel affection for laughing. An average adult laughs 17 times a day. In this modern era, we all are burden sized with the work. We do not have time for ourselves. We are working like machines and need some time to come out from this hassled life.

The advent of comic literature and arts is for human beings only. There are lots of books available full with laughter stories and jokes. We do have many websites on these things. We can utilize our time in reading such stories and add laughter to our life. Reading funny stories and jokes reduces the level of stress hormones, like cortical, adrenaline. It also increases the level of health enhancing hormones. Reading funny stories, jokes and other humorous stuff, provides a physical and emotional release. It even provides a good workout for the heart. Laughter can really improve health and help in fighting with diseases. In a way, it strengthens the resistance of your existence. Humor lightens your burden and keeps you alert. Spending time with funny stories and jokes add joy and zest to your life.

Building up your time with funny stories and jokes strengthens the immune system. Laughter really can be the best medicine ever. Watching hilarious movids also add humor and relaxation in your life. It also helps you to keep an optimistic outlook, as your mind is always fresh and relaxed. When we laugh with one another, a positive bond is created. Laughter unites people. When we spend time in reading funny stories and jokes we feel an inward feeling of joy. Laughter is contagious. It enables you to share joy with all. If you love to read jokes and stories this indicates that you want to live a richer and more fulfilling life.

Funny Apartment Stories

Apartment dwellers usually have a thing or two to say about their previous apartments, landlords, neighbors, and much more. Sometimes they may even have some hilarious stories to tell, because when you live in a big building with several other people nearby, there are bound to be some crazy and strange things that happen. These stories tend to focus on landlord mistakes, because for some reason, those are funnier.

One woman moved into an upscale apartment with her sister. The apartment looked beautiful, nothing out of place, so they both felt comfortable moving into this nice complex. Some months later, though, the truth began to come out slowly. The first thing was the ceiling fan blade, which had been repaired with duct tape on the top. Apparently, this was not the only thing repaired with magic duct tape. The girls discovered over the course of 2 years that just about everything had been repaired with the silver stuff. Everything from kitchen cabinets to windowsills was patched up with duct tape. It is true that some men claim anything can be fixed with duct tape, but to be honest, they would probably not take it as far as this landlord did!

That last landlord may have been cunningly repairing things with nothing but duct tape, but he was not as sneaky as the next one. There was a guy who rented an apartment and realized the dishwasher did not work. He put in a work order for the dishwasher and used the sink until they fixed it. Since he had never had a dishwasher, he did not miss it much, but he did try calling again for the fix about 6 months later. His landlord was so sneaky that he came to fix it the day the renter had asked him to, but never mentioned it.

One apartment dweller may or may not be aware of this story, but their landlord is telling it like this. He was trying to fix a strange drip in the apartment bathtub. Unfortunately, all the apartments in the complex were slightly different in the way you have to shut off the water. For this particular one, he was only able to shut off the water halfway. Since this landlord is a self-proclaimed rookie plumber, he made the mistake of attempting to fix the drip anyway, even though the water was not turned off completely. He ended up removing a valve that caused water to spray out continuously. However, it was a good thing he was able to shut off the water halfway, because otherwise he would have been pelted by scorching hot and ice cold water at the same time! In the end, he did figure out how to get the valve back on (after puncturing his hand 16 times!), and also learned how to shut off the water completely. Thankfully, that did lead to that stupid drip in the bathtub being fixed.

After reading these stories, you should feel compelled to compare renter's insurance quotes and look into the cost of renter's insurance, just in case your landlord or a previous apartment dweller causes issues with your apartment.

Funny Kids Stories With Moral Themes

funny kids stories with moral lessons at the end are meant to elicit laughter at the first instance and then to inspire deeper thought about kids and their delightful personalities. You will even re-learn the joys of being a child again and, in the process, gain a better perspective on love, life and logic. Here are a few excellent examples of such funny kids stories.

Kids' Logic

Kids being kids, their logic is decidedly different than adults and, thus, can be hilarious to adults. The lesson in these funny kids stories with moral is for adults to always keep their minds open to the way kids see and explain the world and the people around them. You never know when hilarity can ensure after a seemingly simple adult-and-kid interaction.

• During Sunday school, little Sammy asked his teacher this question: "If the people of Israel are called Israelites, are the people in Paris known as Parasites?"

• Little Paul was known to run in and out of rooms in the house whilst slamming the doors, among other mischief. His mother finally grew exasperated and asked him, "How do you expect to get into heaven?" Paul replied, "Well, I'm going to run in and out all the time through heaven while slamming the gates until St. Peter says, 'For God's sake, Paul, just come in or stay out!'" (His mother was probably saying the same thing to him, a theme most often repeated in many funny kids stories where kids are fond of using adults' words against them.)

Kids' Take on Religion

Yet another theme for funny kids stories with moral lessons is religion. Keep in mind that kids see religion through adults' teachings on the subject and, as such, their views are simplistic.

• As the preacher's monotonous sermon dragged on for an hour, little Casey became restless. Finally, she whispered in her mother's ear but it was loud enough to be heard by those sitting nearby, "Mom, if we give Pastor Robert the money, will he stop talking and let us go?"

• Young Peter told his mother that he wanted to become a preacher when he grows up. His mother asked him why and he answered, "Well, I figured it's better to stand up and yell at people than sit down and be yelled at."

How To Get Paid For Publishing Funny Stories

Making a living as a writer of any kind is not an easy thing to do, and short stories are perhaps one of the most difficult formats to earn a living from. There are not a lot of obvious paying markets for your work, and those that there are out there can sometimes be very picky indeed, only accepting and paying for very specific types of story. But don't despair, it is still very possible to get paid for your short fiction, possibly even to make a modest living from it, and you can also use this medium very effectively to help establish a name for yourself as a writer so that you can be more successful with your other work.

And here is another reason to be cheerful - if you have a good sense of humor and you are capable of writing funny stuff then this will really open up your options and give you many more places to publish your work and get paid. One of the reasons for this is that you can write in pretty much any other genre, perhaps mocking the prevailing cliches or just placing your humor in an appropriate context and story line. So even though you are a funny story writer, you can submit to markets who are looking for anything from crime mysteries to horror to inspirational pieces.

When asked about how a writer can increase their chances of getting published I always say that the most important thing is to research the market and see what publishers want before you even start thinking about writing your stories. If you write what people want to pay for then you will obviously be more successful than if you write what you want to write and then only start looking for a market afterwards.

In my opinion the next most important thing to do hs to try to write as much as possible. You can never have too many unpublished stories in your portfolio: and just because no publisher wants a story now does not mean that it wouldn't be perfect for a contest or themed anthology or something else that may come along in a year or two's time. Also if you have lots and lots of unpublished work then you could think about giving some of it away for free in order to build up your reputation and perhaps even get a few fans so that you then look like a much more appealing prospect for publishers in the future.

It can take a long time to become successful as a writer, so please do not give up if you are having trouble. I wish you all the luck in the world, and hope you keep writing and succeed in getting published.

Funny Top Cat

Story

That's a story about four brave friends: cat Muffin, dog Sparky, cow Charming and young man Ernesto, who went on a risky travel through the North Pole. A lot of hazards are waiting for them at every step, which they need to overcome! Help our heroes in their challenging adventure not to be caught by persecutos.

Gameplay

Now anyone can enjoy the fun, freedom and adventure of flight, feel the power at your fingertips.

Gamers can play as brave cat Muffin, an expert pilot, and also play as other entertaining characters: dog Sparky, cow Charming or young man Ernesto.

The iPhone and iPad versions offer a variety of gameplay, including single-player, co-op for family and friends, or on the network for you to choose.

Awesome graphics, precise sounds, and stunning unreal landscapes will provide an immersive and exhilarating air-diving experience. Best of all, Funny Top Cat will make it possible for wide audience to enjoy the intense adrenaline rush of flying - without the real-world safety risks.

To play the game just touch the screen and hold and the character will accelerate upward, take your finger off the screen and the it will fall with gravity.

The point of the game is to make the hero fly across the screen without hitting any of the obstacles that will appear. And also have to look out for the roof and the floor, as they can come closer together to make less space for the you to fly. Hitting any of the obstacles, the floor or the roof will end the game.

The adventure is about to begin!!!

Key Features:

- See beautiful locations, Realistic graphics, precise sound, which make you feel like you're really flying!

- Choose from different game options including free flight, multiplayer mode or on the network;

- Game Center Leaderboards and Achievements to compete with your friends;

- Incredibly fun, just one more time, endless game play!

- Collect crystals to upgrade your characters and skills.

So if you want a new casual game to try and recommend giving Funny Top Cat a go and see if it turns your crank!

It is a highly addictive and entertaining game to play. It is just perfect for when you need to kill some time. The deeper you get in the game, the harder it is to stop playing!

Articles Etc